


let me change your mind (cause feelings are hard to find)

by himbo-buckley (Kriz)



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: (fucking sunburn of the century), M/M, and not something that has to be logical but she IS open to criticism, and will have them show up at work at the most random of time without a care in the world, as she herself has been to LA and her European sensibilities could not handle it, author considers punctuation to be something to have fun with, author didn’t want to write the fic but no one else seemed willing and who smelt it dealt it, author has no idea how shift intervals work, author uses this fic to voice concerns about Oliver Stark, based on an episode of grey's anatomy the author hasn't seen in several years but just remembered, because she likes adding time and days for reference for her readers, but doesn’t actually think it needs to have a system, but mostly it's use your words or neither of you is ever getting laid in this life again, but that’s okay because author cares about the characters a buncha, except I won't because I'm a woman so I'll live forever, idiots to lovers, no kittens were harmed in the making of this fic, surprising amount of words for fairly little plot, this hasn't been betaed and has barely been proofread but oh well we die like men, this is definitely a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24113689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kriz/pseuds/himbo-buckley
Summary: The point of this story is Buck knows Eddie. And he thought they were moving toward something, even if it was just a few weeks of monogamous friendship with horizontal benefits (…).So why is it, that, when Buck shows up at his house on a random Sunday morning to make breakfast because he couldn’t sleep and knows Chris is an early riser but Eddie is not, and also because he has been doing exactly this for the past few months every Sunday they didn’t work, that he was greeted at the door by a ditzy brunette?OrBuck, Eddie and the dangers of improper communication and not saying what you meanBased onthistumblr post
Relationships: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 50
Kudos: 263





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello party people,  
> welcome to whatever this is!  
> Basically what happened was I had a sort of good idea for a fic (found [here](https://himbo-buckley.tumblr.com/post/616313293901004800/okay-but-imagine-if-they-introduce-sophia-or)) and like 2 people said someone should write it but no one felt the need to be that person apparently and I got impatient so I wrote it myself. Despite being like not that good at it?  
> This fic will have two Chapters because it's long-ish and I, personally, prefer Chapters which have about 5000 words, and as this fic is longer I split it.  
> However part two has been written already so I'll share it tomorrow-ish(?)  
> So yeah, that's it, enjoy!
> 
> Oh, and title is from „Feelings“ by Lauv

Look, Evan Buckley isn’t dumb.

Yes, he isn’t Ivy League - ‚I could be a doctor‘ - type of smart, but he isn’t dumb either. He has a lot of random knowledge. And possibly ADHD, but as Frank had told him, as long as he didn’t feel like it affected his work or his life negatively that wasn’t something they needed to explore further.

Besides, Buck has what Frank had called emotional intelligence, which basically boiled down to Buck being good at recognizing emotions, both in himself and others.

So you know, he isn’t dumb. He just isn’t _smart_ smart. Like other people. Who he works with. Who like to remind him of this fact. A lot. Regularly.

Buck is also getting off track.

The point is Buck knows his own emotions and he is good at recognizing emotions in others. Which is why he knows that Eddie and him? Not as platonic as they pretend.

In fact, Buck is at a point where he would go on the record and say that he doesn’t just like Eddie as a friend and want him as man but rather is actually romantically interested in him. Or you know, in love with him. If you want to use lay man’s terms. Or aren’t afraid of getting hurt yet again.

And because Buck is Buck and Buck knows Eddie, maybe better than Eddie himself knows Eddie, Buck know that Eddie isn’t opposed to the idea. In fact, as he has told Frank just last week, Eddie may even be a little in love with him back. Or something. Romantically interested. Whatever.

Sure, Buck used to already think that a few weeks back and then Eddie turned around and actually asked Ana out, but as he had told Hen they wouldn’t last - and lo and behold, they called it quits after like five dates.

And Buck is pretty sure they never did anything besides kissing, which you know, might be because Eddie is old-fashioned like that.

Chivalrous.

A gentleman.

Not a horndog like Buck, if he wants to quote Hen - which, you know, she isn’t wrong. Because if Buck ever got the chance, Buck would not go on only 5 dates with _that_ man and only maybe possibly kiss. No, Buck would go all out by like date two or maybe three if he saw a real future for them and thought Eddie does too (he is classy like that these days) and the things he would do to Edmundo Diaz and would let that man do to him? Not safe for work. Not safe for work in the least.

Because damn!

 _And_ Buck is getting off track again. Where was he? Oh, yeah, there he was:

The point of this story is Buck knows Eddie. And he thought they were moving toward something, even if it was just a few weeks of monogamous friendship with horizontal benefits (which isn’t what he'd prefers but he wouldn’t be too opposed! He’d get over himself). And Buck thought, because Buck actually knows emotions and social conventions and such, that this would mean that both of them would abstain from dating and flirting and generally being interested in anyone else for the time being until whatever was between them has run its course. And he assumed, because Eddie was old-fashioned and chivalrous and gentleman-ly, that Eddie would know this and act accordingly.

So why is it, that, when Buck shows up at his house on a random Sunday morning to make breakfast because he couldn’t sleep and knows Chris is an early riser but Eddie is not, and also because he has been doing exactly this for the past few months every Sunday they didn’t work, that he was greeted at the door by a ditzy brunette?

Not that the women had actually been ditzy. Nope, she had been very pretty and petit and feminine and, you know, Eddie’s type. (Buck tries hard not to think about how none of these things really apply to him. - Well, maybe the pretty thing. Maddie calls him pretty all the time and only to insult him like 60% of the time, so...)

She had been standing on the porch, a coffee cup in hand, clearly hiding a pack of cigarettes behind her back and looking rumpled.

"Can I help you?“ She asks when Buck leaves the car to walk toward her and wow, that tone was hostile. It stops him in his tracks.

"I am, yeah, I am here to see Eddie? I’m a friend?“ He asks, a little taken aback.

The woman gives him a once over, „Eddie’s busy today, he can’t come out to play. Can I take a message?“

And wow, the audacity!

Buck, completely flabbergasted, can just stare at her for a breath open mouthed, before grinding out, „Nah, I can deliver my own massages!“ and just hightailing it out of there. Like the coward he apparently is.

Which is how he ended up here, 10 minutes later, parked at the side of some road, shaking with something like anger and hurt, staring at his phone and the messages he sees displayed on his screen:

_> Sorry_

_> she surprised us_

_> forgot to call _

_> ttyl _

And not to repeat himself, but: wow, the audacity!

Because apparently Eddie has random women in his life who will show up unannounced on a Sunday morning and monopolize his time, which - is exactly what Buck has been doing, but Buck is his best friend. And he cares about Eddie. And he has feelings for Eddie. He isn’t random!

(God damnit, he is, isn’t he?)

——

So here’s how he spends the rest of his day:

After another 5 minutes of trying and mostly failing to regulate his breathing, he is finally able to drive the rest of the way home, where he sits down to stare into nothing for about an hour, trying (and again, mostly failing) to not pity himself, before his stomach reminds him that he needs to eat something (because even heart-break can’t stop that today).

And after some breakfast and two cups of coffee the world does look a little brighter and Evan finds himself able to proceed with the rest of his day, which now consists of working out, doing laundry and cleaning a little (yes, _Maddie_ , he actually does do those things himself) before watching some cooking show.

What his Sunday doesn’t consist of is spending time with both Diaz men or answering text messages. Nope, good sir, Buck puts his phone in emergency mode, only informing Maddie of this decision, in case she needs something urgent, making sure her calls would still come through.

(And while Maddie does sound surprised when he calls her, she doesn’t pry and Buck loves her a lot for that.)

(She probably thinks he’s hanging out with Eddie. Oh well, someone wishes.)

(He. It’s him. He wishes. Of course he’s talking about himself!)

(He is so very screwed and not in a good way right now.)

And sure, he is bored of the lazy day all too soon but that’s fine, really. He just goes to bed early then, knowing the following week will be stressful and sleepless enough with his next day off not being until Saturday before which he'll be pulling a double.

Meaning when he pulls into work the next day at 5:30am (yes, that is a real time and yes, he has been up for nearly an hour by now because LA traffic) he’s actually in a good mood? And refreshed? And looking forward to shift?

Which is of course, why the first thing he sees is Eddie, leaving his truck a few spaces closer to the entrance of the fire house. Who looks great. And is whistling.

(Screwed to hell and back.)

(Buck wants to die.)

(He forces his smile to stay on his face instead.)

And because Buck is an adult he does not pretend to be engrossed in his phone all the way to the locker room to avoid talking to Eddie.

(He’ll need to save that trick for during shift to be honest.)

(He’s not that much of an adult actually.)

Which of course means Eddie falls into step with him and tries to talk to him.

"Sorry, about yesterday,“ he says, grin firmly in place, „but you know how it is!“

Buck laughs, „Haha, oh man, do I?" He’s not sure what they are meaning.

"Okay,“ Eddie says with a frown.

(Apparently he doesn’t either.)

(Good.)

Buck decides the easiest way out of this conversation is attack, „Sorry, I forgot to answer your text, I got _really_ busy yesterday! But then, so were you, right?“ And he winks and laughs and hurries along to the locker room.

(And ignores the way Eddie stops walking to stare at him.)

(In retrospect he probably shouldn’t have?)

(God, why is hindsight always 20/20?)

——

This is how the rest of their morning goes:

Buck goes to the locker room and changes and makes aggressive small talk with Abe, a transfer from the 76, whose real name is David Sacks, and who according to Hen got the nickname from the fact that he is both very wrinkly despite being barely older than forty and because he sometimes goes on rants that sound a lot like something a very old man would yell from his porch. Like Abe Simpson.

Meaning Buck and him are most definitely not on the same wavelength and he knows this and Abe knows this and most importantly: Eddie who is also in the locker room at the same time and keeps throwing Buck these looks knows it.

But, oh well, it’s his own fault for getting laid by some woman.

(Not that there is anything wrong with that, Buck’s done it enough times, right? But like, it’s Eddie and he’s jealous, okay?)

(Not that Eddie owes him anything but just, warn a guy, alright?)

(Screwed, so very screwed.)

But Buck doesn’t let that stop him and instead keeps pretending to be happy and practically skips out of the locker room and upstairs where he can smell Bobby making breakfast.

(He might be going over the top now, he should calm down, he needs to be calm.)

(He’ll drink some coffee first. It’ll help with the thinking.)

(He’s calm. He’s calm. He’s calm.)

(He’s dying on the inside with hurt and apparently misplaced want but he’s calm.)

——

He is both halfway through his second cup of coffee and most of his breakfast by the time Eddie comes upstairs.

(Both because he is a fast eater and Eddie a slow dresser, to be honest.)

Buck grins at him, ignoring everything he is feeling, but pulling out his phone the second Eddie opens his mouth.

(He did say, he was saving it, didn't he?)

Eddie closes his mouth again.

(Buck isn’t looking at him.)

Eddie reopens his mouth.

(Buck pretends to laugh at something on his phone.)

Eddie closes his mouth again.

(Buck changes apps.)

Eddie opens his mouth _again_ \- and Chimney drops down next to Eddie, interrupting him.

"Whatcha reading there, Buckeroo?“ He drawls, wiggling his eyebrows a little.

"Ah, nothing?“ Buck blushes, quickly shoving his phone away. Which - oh, that actually works fine, doesn’t it? That is actually perfect!

(Yeah, swallow your own medicine, Edmundo!)

"What’s going on?“ Hen wants to know, taking the chair next to Buck.

"Ah, nothing, little Buck over here is just being all secretive!“ Chim explains, winking at the offending man. Buck blushes harder.

"Oh, something we should know?“ Hen asks, staring at Buck with a smirk.

He shrugs, „Nah, you know me, just always talking to someone!“

(Way to think on your feet, Buckley! And your High School drama coach thought you were a bad actor.)

Hen and Chimney laugh.

(Eddie looks a little sick.)

(Again, hindsight, people.)

„I see Buck 1.0 is back?“ Chimney winks at him.

"Oh, please say he isn’t!“ Bobby interrupts, finally sitting down with his own breakfast. „We really don’t have the time to keep disinfecting the fire truck!“

"I’ll try my best, Bobby,“ Buck jokes. God, he really was an awful guy, wasn’t he?

Thankfully before anyone can say anything else and Buck can get caught in his lie, the alarm blasts on. Bobby sighs loudly, looking at his breakfast with a look he usually reserves for Athena. It’s gonna be a long shift.

——

And just like Buck predicted it’s a long shift and they're only halfway done.

They get call after call, starting with a fender bender that turned into a multi car crash because people in LA are impatient and have never heard of keeping some form of distance between cars to prevent, well, car crashes like this one from happening.

And before they can even leave the scene they are called to a gas leak and then a small kitchen fire and another car crash plus two heart-attacks and someone getting stuck in a palm tree because he wanted to impress some guys. All of which happen with barely a break in between, meaning they do not return to the Station, meaning starts out with Bobby hungry, until someone finds a drive through to get him breakfast at eight thirty and ends with all of them starving because it’s been a lot of manual labor and they only had the time to stop for some more drive through at around one which they scarf down like animals, no one really concerned with manners.

The only positive thing, really, is that while working Buck has no time to think about how mad and disappointed he is in Eddie and can therefor stop avoiding him and work with his partner together as always.

So when they finally get back it’s after four and Buck is feeling drained. There is blood from a car crash victim drying on his uniform shirt and something he hasn’t quite identified (and really doesn’t want to either) on the soles of his shoes, so instead of going upstairs, he makes an immediate beeline for the locker room to change - which honestly works out pretty good for him because he may be fine while they are working but he’s really not in the mood to talk around Eddie. Or avoid him. Right now he just wants his best friend back.

Which is of course when he hears a vaguely familiar female voice echoing down from the balcony making everyone stop in their tracks.

Most of all Eddie, who gives a heartfelt, „Shit.“

(And now Buck is back to not wanting to talk to Eddie. Wonderful. This day is really one for the ages, huh?)

And Buck should really move to the locker room and do his thing, but instead he stands rooted to the spot and watches as the woman comes down the stair, half looking over her shoulder and laughing at something the other firefighters still upstairs are saying.

And she really is pretty, isn’t she? Taller than Maddie, but shorter than Hen and Athena, with long curly dark hair that, if he had to guess, which he can because he has dated a lot of women, has probably been chemically straightened at one point, wearing a light summer dress that accentuates her darker skin perfectly and a captivating smile on her face. Yeah, Buck would rather date her than himself, too.

And Buck is apparently still standing frozen in front of the locker room because now he gets to watch her walk up to Eddie, linking their arm together and grinning up at him.

(And Eddie, the bastard actually smiles back, even if it looks a little pained.)

"What are you doing here?“ He asks, exasperation evident.

"I wanted to see where you worked and I _know_ you would never have invited me, so I decided I’ll just surprise you!“ She tells him, all cheery and cute.

Eddie, to his credit, doesn’t seem to be drawn in by the act, but rather a little annoyed. „Yes,“ he snarks, „I wonder why?“

The girlfriend (maybe?) snorts, before beginning to drag Eddie toward the stairs, clearly used to people staring at her in awe, only to look around after two steps, her eyes meeting Evan’s.

(Who is not glaring, he is not, he isn’t, he is just tired, okay?)

She waves.

Reflexively he waves as well.

"Hey, random guy showing up at your _friends_ house on a Sunday morning at eight!“ She calls back, tone mocking, „How’s it going? Found someone to play with yet?“

And wow, wow, wow, Buck _really_ doesn’t want to keep repeating himself but: _the audacity_!

He doesn’t say that out loud, of course, instead opting for a sardonic half-smile and a grunt, that really doesn't sound to kind, before finally unfreezing and walking into the locker room, the door falling shut behind him heavily.

And he ignores every sound he hears from outside after this.

——

Buck contemplates getting a shower just so he can hide away longer, but ultimately deciding against it, just changes his shirt and trys to clean his shoes, before throwing some water in his face (of course drenching his shirt a little because he’s Buck and when his life is being shit it is really being shit) too feel a little more human.

Which does make him feel better, but not good enough to not also get out his LAFD hoodie, pulling it on over the thin T-shirt he is now wearing as well as getting out his headphones, putting them in and turning on his music, pulling up the hood of his hoodie to hide his face as he steps out of the locker room.

(Yes, he is gonna go full sulky teenager right now. No, he doesn’t care. No, he doesn’t take criticism.)

And since he’s already being the most, he doesn’t use the closer stairs which lead him to the kitchen area where he can hear everyone talking despite the music but rather walks right to the couch area, which is empty, ignoring all attempts to wave him over in favor of dropping down on the couch, pretending he is going to take a nap now.

(Which he actually could use, because this day is shit and he is tired.)

(And he ignores both Hen and Chimney telling him to come over, opting to increase the volume on his music instead to tune them out.)

(Which works fine for like two minutes until he hears someone come up to him and a shadow fall over him.)

„Okay, man, what’s going on?“ Eddie asks, having stepped away from everyone else to come talk to Buck, who just can’t find a comfortable position on the couch, stretched out too the max by now.

(And he shouldn’t feel good about him doing that.)

(He really shouldn’t.)

(And Buck can hear Eddie sigh, despite the music playing in his ears and he is looking at Eddie’s face and he should be an adult about it. He really should.)

(He also really doesn't want to.)

„Buck, I am sorry about yesterday and well, Adriana, I mean, I could tell you she’s usually nicer, but she’s really always been a brat. I’m sorry, though,“ and the words should sooth him, but really make everything just so much worse because Eddie sounds incredibly fond and Eddie hardly ever sounds anything but a little haughty when talking about anything, especially not when he talks about people. Also they have a history and considering the words a long one and Buck can never compete with that, he knows it, so he should just be an adult about it and get over himself and his feelings and be happy for Eddie who apparently is happy.

Which is not something he is a lot.

But Buck is still hurt and not ready yet, so what he does instead is close his eyes and nod his head and pretend his music is too loud to hear Eddie because he cannot face him, cannot face the look in his eyes any longer.

Eddie however cannot read minds, both to his own and Buck’s disappointment, so Eddie doesn’t know Buck’s reasoning behind his actions and doesn’t understand what is really going on, so Eddie just gets a little mad at his friend.

And because Eddie has never been one to avoid direct confrontation when he’s mad what he does is lean over the couch and into Buck’s space and yank the earphones out before quickly moving away again.

(Because his face is very pretty and Eddie is mad and doesn’t need to be distracted now.)

(Also they are in public. Being all in your best friends face like that would be considered weird.)

(And most importantly because his action makes Buck shoot up from the couch like Eddie knew they would, meaning had he stayed where he was he’d have a concussion now considering Buck’s hard head.)

"Gonna tell me what’s going on now?“ He asks then, trying for a friendly tone.

"Nothing!“ Buck exclaims, „Just, you can go back talk to your _friend_ , I’m fine, I’m just having a weird day.“

"You’re not fine,“ Eddie persists and omg, the onetime Buck wants someone to not think about his feelings and let it go.

"Yes, I am,“ he disagrees.

Eddie shakes his head, „No, you’re not, Evan, you’ve been avoiding me all day! What’s going on? Is it something I said?“

And urgh, Buck really needs Eddie to let this go because this is making him feel and think things that are apparently not true or the woman wouldn’t currently be here talking to everyone else.

And maybe Buck is a little bit curious by now, who she could be and the fact that she gets to visit Eddie at work and gets to be at his place on Sunday morning, but mostly he is mad about that. Mad and sad.

(Haha, lol, that rhymes.)

"Eddie,“ he says because of this and because the longer this conversation drags on the more it hurts.

"Buck,“ Eddie replies, the name being a sentiment in itself.

"I’m fine,“ he disagrees with the sentiment.

"You’re not,“ Eddie differs again.

"Think I don’t know my own feelings?“ He tries for teasing but misses by a mile.

"I think you’ve been avoiding me all day and you won’t tell me why,“ Eddie explains, voice a little soft, but mostly annoyed.

"Eddie,“ Buck says. ( _Let this go_ , he means.)

"Buck,“ Eddie says. ( _I won’t_ , he means.)

"Your beginning to piss me off,“ Buck says. ( _Please let this go, man._ )

"Good,“ Eddie drawls. ( _I really can’t._ )

"Nothing is going on, okay?“ Buck explodes, feeling more than seeing everyone turn around and ignoring it in favor of holding eye contact with Eddie. ( _Please, just believe me._ )

"Can you stop with the lying? Something is wrong and you’ll tell me right now!“ Eddie explodes right back, always ready for a fight, never backing down.

"Oh, really? I’m not Christopher, Eddie, I don’t _need_ to tell you anything!“ Buck may be snarling.

"Yes, I know that!“

(Eddie is no longer speaking English now, clearly getting to mad for that.)

"Then stop treating me like I am!“ (Neither is Buck.)

„Then stop acting like a child!“

(They shouldn’t be doing this here.)

„Urgh, why can’t you let this go man?

(Everyone can hear them.)

"Why can’t you stop lying?“

(Please, just turn away, nothing to see here!)

„I’m not lying!“

(This is escalating quickly.)

"Yes, you are!“

(What are they even talking about again?)

„Okay, you know what? Fuck you! I don’t need to listen to this! You know, how you like to say I make everything about me? Well, guess what, Eddie, you’re no better! Maybe not everything in my life is about you or connected to you or needs to be shared with you, ever considered that?“

(Back to English.)

(Also: Low blow, real low blow!)

(Hindsight, you guys, hind - and he cannot stress this enough - sight!)

And before Eddie has a chance to reply, Buck storms off, leaving him to stare after him, stunned and frozen in place.

It takes Eddie a whole minute to process the words and get his body to move, but just as he finally makes it happen, a hand on his arm stops him.

„Don’t,“ Hen says, eyebrows furrowed, „give him a minute to cool off. Before either of you says something they can’t take back. I’ll go check on him.“

——

It actually takes Hen a bit to find Buck, as he is not in the gym (punching things), in the locker room (crying) or in the shower (also crying and / or trying to drown himself - Buck is dramatic like that), but rather in the backyard basketball court no one ever goes to because the sun is brutal all day long, just laying on the pavement, head pillowed on his LAFD-hoodie, seemingly having a full on existential crisis (did Hen already mention he was a dramatic SOB, or?).

Hen sits down next to him. She looks around a little, taking in the dirty basketball court they’re on and the hedge surrounding the premises before looking back at Buck. And well, under normal circumstances Hen might have given him some time to calm down, let him wallow for a bit until he was ready to talk on his own, but as it is they are at work and a call could come any minute - plus, Buck is a white boy, alright? He is yoghurt flavored ice cream! He is W.H.I.T.E! And this is LA and LA in the summer, meaning, despite the liberal amount of sunscreen she knows the young firefighter applies several times a day Hen could already see the beginning of sunburn forming on his exposed forearms. And really, Buck had gone through enough already, he doesn’t need skin cancer on top of all of that.

„Okay,“ she begins, „what’s going on, Buckeroo?“

The firefighter doesn’t answer, only glares harder at the sky.

"Because this in there was _a lot_ ,“ Hen says, than pauses again, to sigh and give the younger man another once over, before continuing „I know we give you a lot of shit about your school boy crush on Eddie, but ...“ she trails off, unsure on just how to continue this sentence without insinuating what she really thought is actually going on between these _best friends_.

Thankfully she doesn’t have to know.

„It’s not a school boy crush,“ Buck huffs, „Or a man crush. Or whatever the male equivalent to that Instagram-hashtag that allows straight women to sexualize each other without being considered not-straight is!“

The words come out in one big rush, agitation making Buck loud and harsh. He sighs deeply, visibly trying to control his breathing.

Hen feels pity well up.

„It’s not a school boy crush,“ he continues, voice quieter and looks at Hen with big eyes, unshed tears visible, „it’s a ‚I had a full on sexuality crisis, talked to my therapist about it and got Grindr‘ - crush. It’s a ‚sometimes when he smiles at me I forget to breath‘ and a ‚I wanna raise his children and yes I have names and a wedding guestlist ready‘ - crush. It’s - Fuck,“ Buck interrupts himself with a roar, before laughing a little, surprised by his own ferocity, „I’m _in love with him_ , Hen. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to be his friend anymore, I can’t deal anymore, this is _agony_!“

He abruptly stops talking, his mouth shutting audibly and okay, Hen needs to process all of this anyways.

They both stay silent for a bit, Evan trying to stop the tears streaming down his face and Hen contemplating the dusty ground before giving in and lying down as well, cuddling up to her friend.

„So I take it Grindr went well?“ she asks once the tears have subsided, going for the safest topic right now.

Buck laughs wetly. „Omg, men are gross! They are the worst - so many dick pics! And like, at least say hello before you tell me all the degrading things you wanna do to me!“

They both giggle at that, before sobering quickly.

„I mean, it was eye opening, sexually, but, well, no one stuck.“ Buck adds a little more quietly.

„Because you’re already stuck on someone else?“ Hen teases and they both fall into laughter again.

„Omg, Hen, too soon!“ The young firefighter wheezes.

Hen forces herself to sober up. „Look, I probably should have led with this, but the woman? Adriana, Eddie’s sister. The one living in Vegas? Tell me you did not forget about her!“

Buck rolls away from her to hide his face. „Omg,“ he groans, „he’s never gonna let me live that down!“

Hen laughs. „ _None_ of us are gonna let you live that down! I’ve already adjusted my wedding speech to include this little scene.“

„There’s not gonna _be_ a wedding thanks to my outburst, Hen.“ The blonde looks over his shoulder and glares at her through his fingers.

Hen just shrugs. „I don’t know, he’s never heard you speak Spanish like that before. His eyes flashed so hard! Man, I was hoping at least one of us didn’t have a Daddy-complex.“

„Maybe it’s about his Mom?“ Buck lies, already knowing Eddie had a Mommy- _and_ \- Daddy-Complex big enough to rival the state of Texas. Amongst other things.

(Not his dick. Omg, what are you thinking of right now?)

(Okay, yes, also his dick, but psh! Officially he has never looked, okay?)

(But like, Buck was talking about his _other_ issues!)

(And maybe his dick. A little.)

„Also, I don’t have a Daddy-Complex!“ He exclaims, as Hen gets up and dusts off her uniform.

The paramedic gives him a look. „Sure you don’t, Buckeroo,“ she says, turning around and leaving, giving an offended Buck no other choice but to chase after her.

And despite his long legs, Hen is a very fast walker when she wants to be so Buck doesn’t catch up with her until they are back inside and all of the 118 can hear him exclaiming: „I have _abandonment issues_! That’s different! Hen! Hen?“

And Castillo, who passes Buck on their way to their respective ladder trucks, alarms now blaring in the background, just nods solemnly, as a still miffed Buck tells him, „I don’t have Daddy issues!“

„Sure you don’t, Buckley,“ he replies, closing the truck door behind himself, clearly relived he dodged that bullet of a conversation.

Buck, however, does not feel happy getting into the truck for the first time in ever. And instead of taking his usual place right next to Eddie he sits down across, avoiding to look at the older firefighter.

And oh my god, he feels like such a dumbass and coward right now, so after taking about a million fortifying breaths, he finally meets Eddie’s eyes, who is unsurprisingly already looking at him, eyebrows raised, expression somewhere between annoyed and regretful.

(Maybe Adriana had taken the time to clue her brother in on the way she’s been talking to Buck?)

Buck sighs.

Slowly he lifts his hand, making a fist to hold out to Eddie.

The other firefighter relaxes visibly, fistpumping him.

„Later,“ Buck mouths, hand on his mike to keep it from picking up any sound.

This is between them and he doesn’t need anyone any more involved than they apparently already are.

(Because, you know, they got into a screaming match in front of everyone like two girls in a High School movie.)

Eddie nods, a small smile playing on his lips. „Later,“ he mouths back.

——

Later doesn’t actually come for several hours with a house fire in the suburbs escalating to nearly take over the whole block and when they finally return to the station, at two in the morning, having had to deal with jet _another_ car crash on the way back Buck just feels drained.

He feels older than he is at 29, his whole body screaming for the sweet release of death. And Eddie, who walks next to him, their shoulders brushing together every few steps, doesn’t seem to be faring much better.

(Especially considering he _is_ older than 29.)

So before entering the locker room with everyone else to take a shower or at the least put on a new uniform to at least try and feel human again, Buck stops him with a hand on his arm.

He watches firefighters milling past them and throwing curious glances their way until he feels comfortable no one can hear them.

„Can we table the talk for a few hours?“ He asks quietly, trying to not be heard by any noisy coworkers he overlooked.

Eddie actually smiles a little at that, „Wanna pretend this afternoon never happened until we get out of here?“

Buck smilies back, feeling relieved, „God, please!“ And then just keeps smiling at Eddie for several moments, tired and drained but happy they can still have this.

„Can I have my arm back, then?“ Eddie teases eventually, „I really need a shower. And honestly so do you.“

„Yeah, we reek,“ Buck agrees, hiding his embarrassment as he released his best friend. He hadn’t even realized his hand was still wrapped around the other guy’s biceps.

 _And what a nice biceps that is_ , his sleepy brain tells him, making Buck shake his head a little to get rid of it. So not the point of all of this after all.

„Hey, Ev,“ Eddie stops again having barely taken two steps away, „maybe once you smell better we could hug real quick?“

And Buck, Buck actually finds the energy to move and laugh again, throwing an arm around Eddie’s shoulders.

„Only because you asked so nicely!“ He declares, leading them into the locker room while ignoring all the stares. They’ll be just fine, he can feel it.

——

By the time Eddie makes it out of the shower, the fog in his brain has mostly lifted and he feels awfully awake - which sucks because it’s close to three in the morning now and he should be getting what little sleep he can have before that damn alarm blasts again.

He sighs.

The firehouse is quiet this late, only a few people milling around and restocking and he knows without checking that the bunk room is already full. So he goes to the loft and the couches instead, hoping Buck saved him some space.

And indeed Buck is sprawled out on one of the couches, dead to the world. Eddie has to actually pause for a moment, feeling incredibly soft, before he reaches out to lift Buck’s feet carefully and sitting down, pulling them into his lap, his own legs stretched out onto the coffee table.

Buck doesn’t stir.

“I take it you already talked?” Hen asks and Eddie flinches, just now seeing the paramedic sitting in the armchair next to him. God, he is tired.

He doesn’t answer right away because of this, deciding to catalog the room first, trying to figure out who else he missed, years of army training resulting in a need to always be aware of his surroundings:

There’s Chimney in the armchair opposite Hen, sprawled out with his head thrown back, drooling a little as far as Eddie can tell.

Behind him he clocks Sanchez, making himself a snack in the kitchen, while softly humming. How the guy can eat this late is a mystery to him but man, who is he to judge? Whatever works, right?

Other than that they’re alone, though he can hear Miller and Boris, two young recruits with energy that rivals Buck’s goofing around downstairs, still keyed up from the earlier fire, from the adrenaline rush.

“We decided on a truce.” He finally answers, looking over at Hen who stares back a little unseeing. They really should be sleeping.

“Okay,” she shrugs, blinking slowly and then just leaving her eyes closed, “don’t wait too long, though.”

Eddie wants to reply, but Hen already seems to be falling asleep, so he lets her be, deciding to watch Evan instead. It’s far more interesting anyways, the young man for once calm and unmoving.

And after a few more breaths, Eddie finally feels the pull of sleep himself and he lets himself fall.

The last thing he hears before he drifts off, is Hen’s quiet voice saying, “Don’t break his heart, Diaz.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so part one is done!  
> Honestly I wrote most of this fic for one exact scene and now you can come into the comments and guess which scene I am referring too ;)  
> Fun fact I had such a hard time writing that fight scene because while I knew I needed it, I just couldn't do it? And then I got really mad at someone and decided to write it and hoo, boy, that was way to much for this fic? I mean I saved it in case I can reuse it later (kill your darlings, suck my ass, around this house we RECYCLE) but like: we would have had to go a three chapter road just to resolve that mess and I am not ready for the amount of commitment, you guys!  
> Also, you can come find me on [tumblr](https://himbo-buckley.tumblr.com/) where I talk a lot about THE CONNECTION, parallels, the fact that Buck 1.0 wasn’t a sex addict and despite what I wrote here wasn’t a bad dude and how Oliver Stark could slam me against a wall but I wanna wake up next to Ryan Guzman - so, ah, come talk to me?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why hello and welcome back!  
> Listen ya’ll, if you thought *this* is where the plot happens you are sadly mistaken! There is no plot, I don’t do plot. I could however write 1000 words on like Buck not thinking?  
> And also, come on you guys, you read part 1! It doesn’t have to be good, you just wanna know how it ends - so do yourself a favour and read the next 6500 of Buck watching Eddie sleep (since Eddie got to do this in chapter 1 and turnabout is fair and all that)  
> (Btw for anyone who took the time to read my other work under the pseudo here is the all-clear: the last two lines won’t make you cry this time!)  
> Also, special shoutout to everyone who has given kudos and liked and the people who reblogged my share on tumblr and talked about how much they liked it! I see ya'll and I love ya'll

_The last thing he hears before he drifts off, is Hen’s quiet voice saying, “Don’t break his heart, Diaz.”_

_——_

The rest of their shift goes by uneventful, only one accident on the freeway a little after four and an easily contained gas leak at half past 5, meaning for once they all actually get off close-ish to on time.

It’s nearing 6:30 am when he leaves the station, having cleaned and prepared his gear for the next shift at the station, rather than take it home with him and the sun is already up, shining warmly but not too bright. Buck, having slept all of two hours uninterrupted, actually feels somewhat energetic and so he ponders if he should go work out first and then sleep just as Eddie falls into step beside him.

Shit.

The talk.

He forgot.

All the extra energy he felt just a moment ago is gone with the next exhale, leaving weariness and a sour taste behind.

„I still owe you a hug,“ he blurts out because of this, once they’ve come to stand next to his Jeep, the destination reached far too soon. Buck has no idea what to say, how to even begin this conversation.

(Being an adult sucks.)

The grin on Eddie’s face is soft but a little mocking, like he knows exactly what Buck is trying to do.

„Well, if you don’t want it,“ Buck drawls despite this, as he drops his bag and holds open his arms, now fully commited. A part of himself, the part he usually ignores, tells him this could be their last hug for quite some time. Maybe this talk will ruin everything.

Buck tells that voice to fuck off.

But if he maybe lingers a little bit longer in the embrace than absolutely necessary, Eddie certainly doesn’t seem to mind.

„How do you want to do this?“ He asks after, once the other man has put a respectable foot of distance between them.

(Buck immediately misses him.)

Eddie shrugs, then winces, clearly sore from last night’s activities.

(Under normal circumstances Buck would tease him about his old age.)

(Right now, nothing feels normal.)

„Ari is taking Chris to school today and then she’ll go have breakfast with Abuela so I’m free until three - well, two really, because traffic,“ Eddie begins then pauses, seemingly unsure what to say next.

„I could come with you?“ Buck asks instead, thinking, no, hoping, this is what Eddie was hesitant to suggest.

The relieved look on his face makes Buck think he’s right. Eddie nods once, then pauses, not moving and Buck feels his anxiety come back.

He breathes in deeply, trying not to give in to the feelings about to overwhelm him, taking in Eddie instead.

The other firefighter stands tall but there is a slouch to him, to the way he stands and his hair, so much shorter than when they had met, lies flat on his head. Eddie hadn’t slept two hours like Evan had, comfortable on the couch and he looks it, Buck decides.

„We could sleep some first,“ he suggests because of this and once again Eddie’s face morphs into a look of relief and gratitude, nodding first slowly then faster as he picks up his bag, about to move away.

Buck stops him.

He holds out his hand about to grip his arm like he did a few hours ago, but halting before he touches skin. Somehow he can’t bring himself to reach all the way this time.

It doesn’t matter. Eddie stops anyway.

„Buck?“ He asks quietly, already half turned away.

„We should take separate cars,“ Evan tells him, feeling something break inside him. Normally Buck would just come with Eddie in his, contend with spending the rest of his day with the Diaz boys and then having Eddie drive him to the apartment and to work, because they have the same shift anyways.

Today isn’t normal though.

Today could break them.

(Why did he decide to become an adult? Also when? Can he, like, go back in time and undo it? Yeah? Kay, thanks, text him the details!)

Eddie just nods, avoiding Buck’s eyes, clearly thinking the same thing. And he walks to his car without looking back, a small wave his last gesture toward the blonde.

It takes Buck about five minutes to get in the car and leave himself.

——

He expects Eddie to already be inside the house once he gets there, but he isn’t. Instead he’s leaning against his truck, waiting for Buck. It feels awfully familiar when Buck parks in front of the driveway and gets out walking over to stop next to Eddie, who still hasn’t moved, instead of beelining for the house.

„Adriana is sleeping in the guest room,“ he says after about 5 minutes of silence, turning his head toward Buck who has since begone leaning against the truck as well, their shoulders touching, mirroring Eddie.

„It’s fine,“ Buck says, „I’ll just take the couch.“

„You could sleep in my bed,“ Eddie near whispers and it feels like an admission.

„I could,“ Buck agrees.

Then, „Yeah. Yeah, I will.“

And if they both smile a bit too brightly when they walk into the house, well, no one is around to see.

(Except maybe Mrs. Brusky, who lives three houses across and always gives Buck these _looks_. Just in case Buck waves in her general direction real cheekily before closing the door.)

——

Buck honestly thought it would be hard to fall asleep, still keyed up from shift, the prospect of having _that_ conversation and just the fact that he’ll be sleeping next to Eddie of all people in the first place, yet the second his head touches the pillow, he’s out.

He sleeps soundly for about three hours before slowly coming to again, having trained his body into this pattern ever since he’d (not quite) been a Seal.

He’s on his back when he comes to, a sort of familiar weight half on him as Eddie has his head pillowed half on Buck’s arm, half on his pecks, sleeping on his stomach, with Buck’s arm curled around his waist. And from the rhythmical breathing, he guesses the other man is still out.

Good, Buck thinks, Eddie sleeps way too little anyways, having more reasons for nightmares than any of them between the war and the dead wife, his son and just their general job. As much as he likes him, Buck would never want to have a look inside Eddie’s head. He’s not sure he could stomach all the horrors he’s only heard talked about in a drunk whisper, even then still censored and impersonal in the retelling as if Eddie was talking about someone else entirely.

Sometimes Buck wonders who Eddie had been before. Sometimes Buck wonders if he had been a different person.

Other times he remembers Shannon and the brief conversations he listened to and they had and discards the thought.

But still, he wonders.

Buck lifts his left arm then, the one not currently pinned under far more than 80kg of pure muscle and lets his fingers card through his hair softly, knowing from the changing in breathing, Eddie will wake up soon enough.

(Plus, it’s Eddie. Buck doesn’t have to check to know there’s an alarm set on his phone to wake them after exactly 3 hours, average time of falling asleep added to the timer.)

„I came by on Sunday,“ Buck begins a few minutes later when he’s sure Eddie is fully awake, „I came by and she was there at the door and I didn't know who she was and I just...“

„I should have called beforehand but...,“ Buck tries again, not knowing how to continue without giving himself fully away.

„... you always come by on Sunday and make pancakes.“ Eddie adds for him, voice so incredibly soft and fond it makes Buck ache. He simply nods instead, acknowledging the words and this thing, that has sort of become a tradition in the past few months after the lawsuit, born out of some desperate need to make up for past wrongdoings as well as waisted time spent apart.

(Even though Eddie keeps insisting he has nothing to be sorry for and by now _actually_ means it.)

(Like he meant the stammered apology given sometime in February which had surprised Buck but also warmed him in a way he couldn’t explain.)

(He was so far gone on this man and really, no one could ever begrudge him that.)

Lifting his head to look him in the eyes, the older firefighter near whispers, „She surprised us and I didn’t have time to tell you.“

„I should have texted,“ Buck disagrees, even though he never did after the third time, making Eddie open and close his mouth a few times, clearly unsure what to say, how else he can disagree. They end up just staring at each other in silence because of this until Buck can’t take it anymore and looks away.

(You could have texted him back as well, that voice in his head tells him and Buck, again, tells it to fuck off.)

„She looked exactly like your type,“ he finally whispers, trying to ask without asking, unsure what and if he wants to know.

Eddie scoffs at that, making Buck look back at him, but before the older firefighter has a chance to reply the alarm goes off.

(God, he is _predictable_.)

Eddie drops his head back on Buck for a moment, growling low in his throat, the same way Christopher does and it makes Buck laugh.

„So what _is_ my type then?“ Eddie asks after he turned off the alarm, amusement evident both in voice and face, notable no longer touching Buck but instead sitting a little away now.

(It’s only two feet, yet Buck feels them like an ocean. He misses Eddie terribly.)

Buck shrugs, getting himself into a seated position as well. „Gorgeous, feminine, sweet, _brunette_ ,“ he lists off, not even letting himself think about what implications Eddie could draw from Buck having thought about his type. They were way past that by now anyhow.

To his complete and utter surprise, this is when Eddie begins to full on laugh.

It’s one of his rare, body moving, folding in half, mirth making his eyes sparkle laughs and under normal circumstances Buck would have enjoyed watching that but as it is he feels laughed at.

„Hey!“ He huffed indignant, „Not cool, man!“

But Eddie won’t stop, giving Buck no choice but to grab a pillow and hit him with it.

But Eddie still doesn’t stop, so Buck keeps hitting him until Eddie seems to have enough and grabs the pillow, trying to stop it from hitting him again.

Except by now Buck is a little (a lot) miffed and they end up wrestling for the pillow, Eddie _still _chuckling making Buck fight a little harder.__

Ultimately he looses though, and ends up flat on his back again, with Eddie sitting astride.

(God, what a pretty sight.)

(Maybe loosing is sort of the wrong term here.)

Eddie is still laughing.

(Still pretty but a little rude.)

His breath comes in short gasps and there are tears leaking from his eyes.

(Buck is getting mad again.)

Just as he begins to move, getting ready to throw him off, Eddie shift, sitting down more comfortably on Buck’s thighs while leaning forward and grasping his shoulders, successfully pinning him in place.

(Oh my.)

(Dead kittens. Think about dead kittens!)

„So,“ Eddie drawls, voice a little out of breath, „that is what you think my type is?“

„Am I wrong?“ Buck thinks he raises his eyebrows. He’s not sure. He’s still focusing on the kittens.

(Oh, _baseball players_!)

(Wait, Eddie likes baseball!)

(Eddie in a baseball shorts.)

(And we’re back with the kittens.)

„A little?“ Eddie muses, shifting a little and Buck might be closing his eyes now, he cannot look at his friend anymore, „It’s more tall, gorgeous, bit of a smartass, _doesn’t_ take my shit?“

And he may be leaning forward, as Buck can feel his breath on his face, but he can’t know for certain as he keeps his eyes closed, not sure he’ll survive whatever he’ll see if he doesn’t.

(Also easier to visualise the kittens.)

(And now he feels guilty.)

(Hey, should he get a cat?)

„Ana doesn’t fit the profile,“ makes it out of his mouth, his brain too preoccupied to seriously filter anything.

He sounds awfully jealous.

(The reminder helps with the other problem, though.)

„Which is why you’re lying in my bed right now and she isn’t,“ Eddie teases and then ...

... and then he leans forward and licks Buck’s neck. Like a cat.

(He’s definitely not getting a cat _now_.)

Buck’s eyes fly open and just as he’s about to do something brave, Eddie leans away, turning his head toward the window.

„Okay,“ he says after a moment of staring out of the window, voice now matter of fact but eyes dark with want, „here’s the situation: I like you and I want you. Your my best friend and I don’t want to lose you, but I also have a fair amount of non- friend feelings for you. I think I’m falling in love with you, Evan. Maybe I already am. It’s been building up for quite some time after all. If this is not what you want, if this is not where you see this going, we’ll stop right here and it might be awkward for a while but like I said, you’re my best friend - we’ll manage. But I don’t think that’s the case and after the past 24h I also might have to call you out on your lie.“

„Wow,“ is all Evan manages, staring up at the Eddie, who grins a little, evidently proud of his little speech.

(Buck is too. That was a lot of sharing for Mr. „My dad told me to just brush it off“.)

(Maybe he should send Frank a gift basket?)

(That would be weird, right?)

(He’ll ask Maddie.)

Then adds, „Okay.“

Then he shifts a little, seeing as he is no longer pinned down, turning them so Eddie is now trapped underneath him.

(Also a very pretty sight, people.)

„First,“ he begins, because it seems important, „good job on the sharing. I am impressed. Second, damn, Diaz, just, damn. And third...“

Now he’s the one leaning forward, thinking how a little payback serves him just right.

„And third?“ Eddie asks after what feels like an eternity of staring at each other, voice a little shaky, breathing fairly shallow.

„And third,“ Buck basically exhales against Eddie’s lips, „I _am_ already _in love_ with you. I _love_ you. And this _is_ what I want and I’d really like to see where _this_ will go!“

„You mean, _this_ here in this bed or like in general cause I have thoughts for both,“ Eddie, the little shit asks, voice back to being steady and amused, emotions apparently back in check.

(The cockiness is kind of hot.)

(He decides he can stop thinking about kittens now, both dead and alive.)

(But he will ask Maddie about getting a cat. He thinks he might be a cat person.)

(He does like Eddie after all.)

——

They don’t end up having sex, which is ... surprising, he’d say, considering all the posturing they had done. Unusual. Different. Other synonyms he can’t think of right now.

But you know, he already told the guy he was in love with him, right? (And while Eddie hadn’t said it back just yet, he did talk about falling and look, it was Eddie, all right? The guy had basically no emotional awareness until said emotion slapped him in the face. Of course he wouldn’t say he was in love _just yet_! He wasn’t aware of it yet!) Which means they have time.

So they don’t have sex, but they do end up making out like teenagers for about an hour until both their lips feel raw and sore in the best way.

And look, it’s not like Buck wasn’t down! But they had work to think of and Christopher to pick up and besides, it was all new and exciting and Buck was classy these days and Eddie a gentleman. Or something.

(Well, okay, so it had mostly been Eddie keeping them in check, but whatever, right? Buck could wait.)

And it had been ... nice. (Surprising. Unusual. Different.) Somehow the knowledge that this person, this man, wanted him and not just for the night had taken a lot of urgency out of Buck anyways.

(Not passion, though. There was still plenty of passion.)

(He just needs to make that clear.)

But it’s also a little unsettling and quite frankly frightening to have someone in your space for this long, especially someone as attentive and intense as Eddie, making Buck feel a little off kilter and honestly a bit glad when after what feels a little like exactly an hour Eddie rolls off of him with a groan, mumbling something about needing to shower before he picks up Chris.

(And did he say ‚about‘? He means basically _exactly_.)

Buck then decides to ruin the mood further with a joke.

„Did your internal clock tell you it’s been an hour or did you set a timer?“ He teases.

Eddie flushes.

Oh my.

He actually timed them?

„You actually...?“

„How do I - Maybe you - How did you know it’s been _an hour?_ “ Eddie interrupts, his face flaming, expression somewhere between scared and embarrassed.

Buck had never really thought about Eddie as cute before but wow. He _is_ cute.

„You have a clock on the bedside table. I looked at it around our first kiss, apparently remembered the time and have now successfully done math. You?“

„But you ... don’t know math,“ Eddie repeats the old joke, which falls flat (just like it had the first time, thank you very much) and sighs, „I could hear the neighbor’s front door. She always goes for a walk with the dog at around half past twelve.“

„That’s ... kind of hot,“ Buck says, no, realises, actually meaning the statement. „Why is that hot?“

Eddie shrugs, clearly more than a little pleased, „Maybe you have a spy kink?“

The blond just hums noncommittal. He doesn’t really care to be honest. It was Eddie. Most things he does, Evan finds hot. It is like that circle of life stuff.

„Didn’t you wanna take a shower?“ He reminds the other man instead.

Eddie shakes his head, „Shit, yeah, I did, uhm, okay, I’d invite you with, but, maybe not yet?“ He stammers and wow, okay, again with the cute. Okay. Evan could live with being the hot one. He’ll manage.

Of course, that’s when they hear it: A noise.

„The door,“ Buck says at the same time as Eddie announces, „Adriana.“

(It’s sounds more like a curse, though.)

Buck is just about to suggest playing dead, when they hear her announce, „Your cars are outside so you have like five minutes to come out or I’ll come in. And then I’ll make you pay for trauma-therapy, Edmundo! You know I will!“

——

It takes them more like ten minutes to get to the living room - both because they try to preserve some of their dignity by fixing themselves up so they do _not_ look like they just made out in Eddie’s bed for an hour which is hard (har har, yeah, he knows, he too) as Eddie doesn’t have a mirror in his room so they have to fix each other up and they keep getting distracted and also because apparently, despite Adriana being _younger_ , Eddie turns a little into a petulant teenager, his face clearly communicating how much he doesn’t want to do as he is being told.

And huh. Isn’t that an interesting tidbit Buck wasn’t really aware of?

Adriana is waiting for them in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, a coffee cup in her hands.

Considering the fairly familiar expression on her face, Buck suddenly feels very stupid for not having recognised the family resemblance before.

„Hi, I’m Evan Buckley, I, uhm, we haven’t been introduced yet?“ He asks after several moments of tense barely blinking staring from the siblings.

(He would laugh if he thought it’ll go over well. This is a little hilarious.)

„Indeed we haven’t,“ the young woman agrees and Buck has to suppress a flinch.

(It’s not like he’s the only one at fault here, okay?)

„I am, ah, your brother’s,“ (and shit they really hadn’t talked about that, had they?), „Boyfriend,“ he settles on at the same time as Eddie says, „Partner.“

Buck turns toward his ... partner, he guesses?

„Oh, I’m sorry, we haven’t discussed that. I shouldn’t have assumed,“ he tells Eddie, who still hasn’t looked away from his sister.

But Eddie just waves him off, „I don’t care either way. Boyfriend is fine.“

Only to add, after a short pause, looking at Buck, an uneasy grin on his face, „Just, haven’t been someone’s boyfriend in more than ten years. Feels a little ... juvenile.“

Buck’s eyebrows go up (up up), „Oh, so you do care?“ He teases.

Eddie is just about to open his mouth (probably to say „Maybe“ if Buck knows anything about the man) when Adriana interrupts, laughing a little, „Uh, I can see it now! He’s exactly your type, Edmundo!“

„You don’t know my type,“ Eddie exclaims, again with the petulance.

(So damn cute, omg.)

Adriana ignores him, „You know, _Evan_ , I’ve spent the past, ah, two days, surrounded by people who all told me what a sweet and nice and caring guy you are. Even Tia Pepa likes you! And I kept thinking: that doesn’t sound like someone my brother would date. Glad to know I was wrong.“

„You don’t know my type!“ Eddie repeats, clearly a little mad at being ignored.

Adriana turn toward him. „Shannon. The girl before Shannon, I’m thinking Emily? Paul in High School. Carlos,“ she counts off.

Eddie just shakes his head, „Carlos and I weren’t dating, we were just friends.“

„Well, Mom and Dad said-„

„Oh, because our parents always know everything about - look, he was a very good friend, but nothing more. Just because we were both attractive, single men generally interested in other men and we got along doesn’t mean we were dating, or interested, in each other!“ Eddie nearly fumes.

(Okay, Buck had thought the anger issues were under control?)

Adriana’s face softens, „Eddie, I know it’s a sore topic, but Mom and Dad just want what’s best for you. I’m not telling you to come home, okay, I’m just-„

„Mom and Dad tried to take Christopher from me, did you know that?“ Eddie interrupts and ah, now Buck can see why he’d be angry.

Adriana blanches, „They did what?“

„After Shannon left, back in Texas, I was working so much and they thought it was best for Christopher, so I left, came here.“ Eddie explains, voice now devoid of any emotion.

„Eddie, I didn’t know. Mom and Dad wouldn’t tell me anything and you left and Sophia only gave vague answers!“

„Ah, yes, because _Sophia_ can be trusted to give you the full picture!“

„Well, no one else was talking!“ Adriana was yelled back, clearly just as mad as her brother had been a few moments before.

(And wow, so that was a genetic thing? Was Christopher secretly a hothead as well?)

„Tell me, _Evan_ ,“ Adriana asks, voice calmer, apparently changing tactics, „do you have siblings?“

And Buck doesn’t really want to answer (he doesn’t even wanna be in the room if he’s being honest), but growing up with Maddie had given him a near pavlovian response to this tone of voice.

„A sister,“ he’s mumbling a little.

„Younger? Older?“ The tone is clipped.

„Older, 7 years actually.“

„I see. And are you close?“ Adriana isn’t looking at him, but watching her brother.

„We are now,“ he responds (and can’t help grin proudly at that for a second), the ma’am barely swallowed, thinking that a woman probably one or two years younger than him won't appreciate it.

„So say, if you - just hypothetically, of course - decided to move halfway across the country because your parents pissed you off, would you - still hypothetically, of course - call your sister, who's always had _your_ back and tell her about it, maybe even explain your reasoning? Or _would you_ wait until your sister texted you about staying at _your_ place for thanksgiving and instead of an explanation tell her to call your parents - only to then get pissy when she, nearly two years later, during which you refused to talk to her about any of this, doesn’t know what had happened? - All still hypothetically, of course!“ Adriana asks, eyes sparkling dangerously.

„Of course,“ Buck says, feeling like he has entered a minefield, „I, ah, actually did move across the country a few years back - I’m from Pennsylvania? - and I didn’t tell her, because, okay, we weren’t talking at the time - did tell her about joining the Seals the year before that, though,“ he answers truthfully (because Pavlov).

(He doesn’t dare look at Eddie, not even from the corner of his eyes. They just got together, they can’t break up already.)

But Eddie doesn’t sound angry anymore when he near whispers, „Adriana.“ And the young woman actually hiccups.

(Wow, that’s one hell of a mood swing. Buck has never been _this_ thankful for Maddie before.)

„You always think you have to do everything alone, Eds, but you don’t! I would have been there. I _wanted_ to be there, ya’ll just ... never let me!“ She declares, tears gathering in her eyes.

Eddie advances slowly, „I’m not alone anymore, okay?“

„Yeah,“ She says, and now the tears begin to stream as her brother puts his arms around her, „I can see that now! But why do I have to show up unannounced to find out stuff about your life, Eddie? Why?“

——

This is how the afternoon progresses:

After about five more minutes of emotional conversation that has Buck feeling both uncomfortable and teary-eyed himself, Eddie’s alarm goes off (see what Buck means) reminding him to get ready so he can pick up his son.

Which he does, taking a record shower and leaving Buck and Adriana at his place to bond. Which they do. Surprisingly.

(Adriana apologises for being so snappy on Sunday, blaming a horrible flight, LA traffic and the lack of smocking opportunities, which Buck is _not_ allowed to mention to anyone ever as the family thinks she had quite some time before.)

(Buck in return apologises for being such a dick at the firehouse, promises to never tell and asks about Eddie before LA as payment.)

(Which he will not be talking about here, but wow. He was right. Cute.)

And by the time Eddie and Christopher return, close to four because LA traffic is always a bitch, Buck has showered and prepared some dinner with the help of Ari, actually having a little fun.

All too soon it’s five and Buck has to leave, as he does have to go to his apartment to pick up some things before getting to work on time for a 12 hour shift at six.

But time flies when you’re in LA traffic and rushing (well, it doesn't actually but it ... goes on), so Buck walks into the station with twenty minutes till shift, surprised to not see an all too familiar truck parked outside yet.

He does however get joined by Chimney and Hen in the locker room after a few minutes, both of them giving him a not very subtle once over.

„Something you wanna ask?“ Buck looks at them with raised eyebrows, but before anyone can question him, Eddie walks in, face weary and still a little shaky from all the emotions of the day.

(See, Eddie may be getting better, but Frank is no miracle worker and stuff takes time.)

(Also today had been a lot and Eddie is allowed to feel the strain, considering his advanced age.)

(Oh, he needs to remember that insult! It's a good one.)

Buck just raises his eyebrows at him, thinking a greeting unnecessary after only an hour spent apart, rather silently asking about his condition.

Eddie shrugs. „I love my sister, but I’m glad once she’s gone,“ he tells the room as a whole, then with a tiny smile at Buck adds, „Really glad.“

He laughs. „I’ll go find Bobby, see if he got time now! Meet me at the office?“

And off he bounces, leaving Eddie to field their noisy coworkers, thinking he should feel bad about it, considering Eddie already is a little drained but mind mostly otherwise occupied by - ah, there he is!

„Yo, Cap,“ Buck hollers, coming to stand in from of Bobby who, surprise surprise, is in the kitchen, „you got 5 minutes, now or a little later? Eddie and I wanna do some paperwork!“

And, okay, maybe he shouldn’t feel so happy at the prospect of doing paperwork, but come on! It’s about what it symbolises, okay?

Bobby looks at him, eyes sparkling with amusement. „Yeah, figured you would. I have it all filled out already, just, let me get some coffee and I’m ready.“

„Sure,“ Buck agrees happily, bouncing on his feet. He is happy right now, happy happy _happy_.

This shift is gonna be amazing!

——

This shift is not amazing.

Buck is just about to get another cup of Coffee (because clearly the five hours he slept in the past 36 hours had not been enough after all, no matter how hyped he was about everything else that had happened in the timeframe), still in a fairly good mood, despite the shift so far having been a nightmare of rushing around with their last real break being the five minutes _before_ it had started in Bobby’s office, signing paperwork, when Chim approaches him, looking awkward as hell.

„Listen,“ he begins, „I know you’re practically my brother in law and we’re friends and I care about you a lot, but - Hen probably already did this with Eddie or she’s about to because she loves you a lot, man, and I am like the closest friend Eddie has after, well, you, and since you can’t do this to yourself it has now become my duty to, you know, warn you?“

Buck looks at him incredulous, „Are you giving me the shovel talk?“

„Yes. Yes, I am,“ Chimney says pulling himself up to his full height - which is not impressive compared to Buck but he does realise it would be the wrong moment to point this out, „Just, don’t break his heart, okay? He’s been through a lot and he has enough issues as it is, so I’m not sure if he could come back from that one. Especially because it's you and you were is best friend. Like, you’ll just stop believing in love for a while again if this goes bad, but our Eddie will never trust another person again.“

And okay, this is serious and Buck really needs to process the truthbomb Chim has so casually left him with, but he keeps getting stuck on something else, „Wait, does me dating Eddie disqualify me from being his best friend?“ He asks, face thoughtful.

Chim looks at him, suddenly just as thoughtful, going over his own words, „Maybe?“

„Who’s your best friend?“ He asks, hoping it’s his sister, thinking this can't mean what he thinks it does.

(Does he _know_ anyone who dates their best friend?)

„Well, technically Kevin, but since he’s dead: Hen?“ Chimney says, a little lost in thought.

„Oh no,“ Buck says in reply, before looking around frantically. This is not good. This does not bode well.

And thank god, Hen is just about to drop down on one of the couches - until she sees Buck waving her over, of course.

„What’s going on?“ She asks, a little curious and a lot more concerned. Buck _and_ Chim looking to be in various stages of confusion and distress is never a good sigh. She really wishes Bobby or Eddie would come around to balance out the chaotic energy these two expel.

„Who’s your best friend?“ Buck asks, voice and face deadly serious, Chimney staring at her as if she is about to answer the meaning of life itself.

(Can you believe this is who she's friends with because she can't!)

„Uhm, I would say Athena, but Chim is right there, so: I don’t have one?“ She answers questioningly, looking over at Chimney, who waves her off.

„I said Kevin,“ he replies to her unspoken question.

Hen nods. „Okay, guys, what is going on? Why do you look-„

She, of course, doesn’t get to finish her question because just then Buck spots the Captain and calls him over, together with Eddie, whose face twists in concern upon the look of terror on his boyfriend. Partner. (Not important right now.)

„What’s going on?“ He asks at the same time as Buck exclaims, „Bobby, who’s your best friend?“

Bobby, naturally, looks around at the other people present first, trying to find answers to the non sequitur, only slightly thrown by the question, because, well, it’s Buck, „Uhm, Michael, probably?“

„And who’s Athena’s?“

„Also Michael, I’d have to guess?“ Then, upon hearing the dejected noises Buck and Chimney make, and knowing how dangerous these two can be when left to think _together_ , repeats the earlier question of, „What’s going on?“ with „Are you already breaking up? I _just_ filed the paperwork!“ added upon taking another look at Buck, coupled with the look of worry on Eddie’s face, slowly advancing on his partner.

And „No,“ Eddie says at the same time as Buck blurts, „Maybe?“

„Wait, what?“ The former soldier asks, stopping mid step, utterly baffled, trying to figure out what’s going on right there. They had been fine ten minutes ago. He hadn’t done anything these past ten minutes. He couldn’t have fucked up anything in the last ten minutes.

„I’m your best friend! I like being your best friend, but no one dates their best friend! I can’t stay your best friend if we are dating!“ Buck seems close to tears, voice booming but without its usual cheer.

„Are you shitting me?“ Eddie’s voice on the other hand side goes quiet.

(„Wait, they are breaking up? It’s been less than 24h!“ Chim whispers to Hen, finally catching on, „We can’t make fun of them if they break up now, it’ll be too sad!“)

„Eddie, look, I mean, we can still go back, it’s not like we, I mean,“ Buck stammers around, unsure where he is even going with this.

„Are you really trying to tell me that just because we haven’t touched each other’s dicks we can still ‚go back‘?“ Eddie’s voice is now barely above a whisper, apparently knowing where Buck was going with this, every word enunciated like its own sentence. God, this day had been so stressful already, why does everyone keep doing this to him? Can’t he just, _not_ deal with feelings, at least until he’s no longer sleep deprived and nearly crawling out of his skin with pent up want?

(„They haven’t had sex yet? I thought they’d be going at it like rabbits, the second they could!“)

And Buck, ever the brave but stupid man who runs towards danger _shrugs_. Eddie throughs his hands up. He’s done. This might as well happen then.

„My sisters in town! I had to pick up my son - who by the way thinks of you as his other _dad_ if all those drawing are anything to go by - from school! We had work today! I was trying to be a gentleman! _I told you I love you we are not just going back to being best friends now_!“ Eddie yells, getting louder with each word until all of Firehouse 118 can probably hear him.

(„Does Eddie know Buck has never been a gentleman? Does he know Buck _does_ kiss and tell?“)

Buck, though, he just grins now. Like the stupid person he might be.

„So you _do_ admit that you love me and want to have sex with me and things would be more than just _awkward_ for a while if I rejected you?“ Buck drawls.

And Eddie just deflates. This is what he wants after all. Who. Who he wants. „Yes, Evan,“ he sighs, using his given name for maximum emphasis, „that is exactly what I’m saying.“

„Okay,“ _Evan_ beams, turning around to finally fix himself some coffee, good mood back.

(Did he say the Diazs had mood swings? Apparently he is one to talk.)

„Also,“ he adds, cup now in hand, the sweet aroma of coffee filling his nostrils, „I decided you’re still my best friend. I like you too much to find a new one, so you can’t replace me with Chim, either!“

„I - okay, yeah,“ Eddie replies, bafflement written in every line of his body as he watches his partner (Boyfriend. Whatever.) practically skips toward the table to read something on his phone, before turning toward the other three firefighters, all staring at him with identical looks of horror and confusion.

„I’m gonna ... go ... clean something, now, I think. While regretting all my life choices. And maybe calling my therapist. Please don’t talk to me again today?“ He asks their stunned faces before practically running from the scene.

(„So we _can_ make fun of them, right?“ Chim stage whispers, staring after Eddie before looking at Hen.

The paramedic grins sharply, „I don’t see how we can _not_ make fun of that!“

„I really should have made one of them transfer this afternoon,“ Bobby sighs.)

(Whatever. Buck can take a joke.)

——

But nearly a week later Buck can’t take the jokes anymore. Mainly because all of them seem to be aimed at him. So during family dinner at the Station while Chimney and Hen are laughing themselves silly and even Cap has to hide a smile behind his napkin, it bursts out of him.

„Okay, that’s enough! Eddie was there, too! Pick on him for a change!“ He points at his boyfriend (Partner. Whatever). „Remember when he nearly punched me in a fucking grocery store? Did we ever make fun of him for that?“

Hen is the first to sober up, seemingly sensing that Buck is actually quite serious. „We did for... a while. You just weren’t here for it. Because of the lawsuit.“

The lie is obvious in her whole demeanour though, and Buck barely spares her a glance, looking around the table while avoiding Eddie’s gaze. He doesn’t even have to see him to feel the amusement radiating off of him. The way his thigh, pressed against Buck’s, is moving says it all.

„Look, Buckaroo,“ Chimney intercepts, voice placating, „You’re very built and plenty intimidating when you want to be, but you’re a gentle creature! So I’d rather take my chances annoying you, than risking Mr. Anger Issues over there.“

„I trained to be a Navy Seal for more than six months!“ Buck exclaims at the same time as Eddie gives off an offended „Hey!“, thigh no longer bouncing, but tensed.

(And if you're maybe asking yourself if Chimney has a point? He does.)

Chimney just nods. „Which is why I wouldn’t count you out in a fight. But between you and him, I’d rather take my chances with you. You never actually killed anyone before.“

„I didn’t kill anyone!“ Eddie bristles, half rising out of his seat. „That guy survived. He is fine now. We talk.“

„I was talking about the army, Mr. MMA.“ Chimney clarifies, looking at him pointedly.

Eddie visible deflates, his face now crestfallen. „Oh.“

(They _never_ talk about the army.)

What follows are several moments of awkward silence. Buck tries to think of a new subject but his mind is wiped clean. And just when he thought he couldn’t take it anymore, Hen bursts out „So did anyone see the game on Sunday?“

„What game?“ Bobby looks around in confusion.

„We’re changing the subject, Cap.“ Hen says lowly.

„Yeah, that was a great one! Also, you wanna see the history project Christopher and I did last weekend?“ Buck jumps in, pulling out his phone to show all the pictures.

And if he keeps a soothing grip on Eddie’s thigh for the rest of Dinner, well, no one needs to know.

(And if, when the alarm starts blaring 10 minutes later, everyone breathes a sigh of relief, no one comments on this either.)

(Buck doesn’t, though. Buck only breathes easier when Chimney appears next to Eddie, pumping their shoulders, a crocked smile on his face. And Eddie smiles back, finally pulling himself up to his full height again.)

(Buck still stays the butt of every joke until Chavez gets pissed on saving a cat from a tree nearly a month later.)

(Whatever. Eddie gives him lots of blowjobs to make up for it.)

(Also, he touches his dick. More than once. Amongst other things.)

(And they now have a cat.)

(Life is great.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we are done!  
> Now I gotta be honest, I really struggled on whether or not I should leave the last two scenes in and tbh I was hell bent on cutting them but then I though: nah, I spent time on them and I like how it gives everything a more complete ending? Like without them the story didn't feel complete?  
> Also that chapter on his own wasn't really funny, unless you count the dead kittens, which I only sort of do because it makes me feel bad :/ (judging myself for laughing as always)  
> And again:  
> Come find me on [tumblr](https://himbo-buckley.tumblr.com/) because I really talk a lot about these boys and connections and parallels and screaming into a void can be boring.


End file.
